What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
