Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
