It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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