We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
