'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
