rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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