I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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