I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
