are you still at the devil's house?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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