he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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