I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
