So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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