I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
