Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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