He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
