i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
