Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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