96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
