No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
