Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
