i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
