I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
