wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
