The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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