He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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