I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
