Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
