Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
