Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
barbara walters just said penis...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
