My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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