were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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