i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
