the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
