Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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