Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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