The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
