great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
