I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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