it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm at about main and main street
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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