I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
