good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
