I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
