how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
