This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
