ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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