It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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