I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
