we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
They are going to name an STD after you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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