Got a toothbrush?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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