You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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