time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
