well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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