Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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