She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
