And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
