I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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