I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
