Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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