I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
