two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
