We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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