I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
