Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
