I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
