And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
